It is hard to describe, but I feel her most often as small bursts of joy – about where she used to rub or scratch my upper back when I was a youngster. I could feel her with me, almost the entire time. I say, “I” baked them, but really, I truly believe I was just being Mom’s hands through much of the process. In that kitchen, surrounded by memories of Mom, playing her music, using her cookie recipe, I baked seven sheets of Mom’s cookies on Christmas Eve.
My apartment has memories of Mom everywhere, especially my kitchen – which includes elements of her kitchens past. I play her songs whenever I bake her cookies. Instead, I made an iTunes playlist of the same songs. She played and danced to them so much over the years that they can’t really be played anymore. Since I have her recipes, I have picked up the mantle of baking her cookies over the last two Christmases to continue her legacy. Mom’s cookies were an indelible part of Christmas for us. Throughout the lives of me and my siblings, Mom baked special cookies at Christmas. The ones that mean the most to me are her Bible, her recipes, and her 45 RPM vinyl records. When Mom passed away, I was blessed to inherit a number of her personal items. Rather, she is simply ahead of me on our eternal journey and interacting with me in different ways than before. Yes, I experience perfect love through Jesus, and I experience true love through my beloved JC. Yes, life can be painful at times, but they help me through it by bringing me peace, filling me with joy, and blessing me with love. I am blessed to have a personal relationship with God.
#CHILDHOOD DEMONS SONG BY SNOW BUNNY SEXTON FREE#
I also know she is free now, free of the earthly body that held her back in the last decades of her life. While I certainly miss her – especially on Christmas, her favorite holiday – I know where she is. Some of my family members still seem to be in a lot of pain when it comes to losing Mom. I never have, and I don’t like being around it.Īt the same time, I realize alcohol is how some people deal with pain. Following her example, I don’t drink at all. This would not have happened in front of Mom.
The amount of drinking has gone way up, for instance. While I was blessed to feel her very briefly a couple of times during the event, Christmas and other family gatherings are not the same without Mom’s physical presence.Įverything seems off. This was the second Christmas since she passed away.
I kept looking around, trying to figure out who it was, waiting for that last family member to show up. I am usually the last one to arrive, but I knew someone else was still missing. My siblings, nieces, and extended family members spent a few hours together at my brother’s house on Christmas Day – as socially distanced as possible in this year of COVID-19. Well, another Christmas has come and gone.
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